Thoughts From the Plane

I write from this Turkish plane, wherein I’ve been handed a menu, provided with little slippers, and my tootsies feel warm (a rare occasion). How silly it is that paying customers expect the bare minimum, and what a difference it makes when cultural values from a hospitable culture are shared with people who have never lived in that. It is a reminder to be kind to those around you because you never know the day they might be having. It really is not so hard to put a smile on the face of someone you don’t know. Anyhow.

There’s a confused feeling in my heart right now. I left behind such wonderful people and community in Boulder, the likes of which I searched for ardently the last four years. So let this first little piece be a dedication to the beautiful memories, the terrible moments, and everything in between that taught me a lesson which I will undoubtedly carry with me on my travels. Thank you.

When I traveled in the past, the goodbyes were always necessary but not dreaded or heavy. That was different this time. The end of an era presented itself with my favorite people and the remembrance of moments that shape my present self. And so, the hug with my parents was especially hard, the not-knowing of what reality will be when I eventually come home. I realize now that those were the last moments for our full family in that house; another chapter coming to an end.

Yesterday I stopped by the dojo to pick up Charlotte, and being there for the first time since Sensei’s memorial was its own battle. Thinking of his scornful growl, laced with love, made it hard for me to keep the tears at bay. His little sloth statue, “namakemono” as he called me; an insignificant ornament with so much weight, which he always kept in the entrance of the dojo. “Namakemono” meaning sloth in Japanese (directly translated: “lazy tree”) made me cry. It was so nice to see Ken and Amber and feel so at home. Another chapter of my life which I left behind, and perhaps the one I regret neglecting the most through college.

I hauled my two bags out of the car at the train station today and let their weight remind me of what lies ahead. It struck me that I am leaving this time, not taking a hiatus from my reality in Boulder. I will be gone for who knows how long. I am doing what I think I always wanted to do. It is so intimidating and nerve-racking and makes my stomach dance. The opportunities I had for travel from Boulder were, despite being far away from home, not so far from my comfort zone. I went to places where the culture did not shock me, where I knew I could speak the language, and felt confident I would make friends. And that’s not a bad thing, it was right at the time. But this time, in Mongolia, I will challenge the perception of myself that thinks she is a world traveler. I will see how she holds up in the face of the unknown, being a minority on a continent where I know nobody and that I know nothing about.

Without harsh intentions, these thoughts make me wonder if maybe I am an imposter in my own self-image. Only time and interactions will tell. I hope to achieve enlightenment in the way I did after semesters of African dance and cultural immersion: I realized the importance of community, commitment, and integrity. Obviously, these values sounded important to me before the friendship and mentorship from Nii Armah, but experiencing the value they impart on the people around me has forever changed the way I interact with others.

“Mans’ brother is man.”

“Every human needs help”

-          Ghanaian proverbs

My goal in Mongolia is to embrace that to the fullest and create connections that will be close to my heart for life. I will strive to have a positive influence on those around me and learn from them whatever it is they have to offer. Nii Armah once said, “Just because you are going going going does not mean that you are getting anywhere,” and for once I will be stationary with a clear purpose and a simple reality (not without its own struggles). It will be good for me, for lack of better words, and I look forward to immense reflection as well as sharing my journey and what I learn as I go along. If you made it to this point thank you for tolerating my meanderings and I hope you will tolerate a lot more!

Bisous,

Stella